#bad dentist: the novel

[fledglingmaster]

I'm not at 100% but I am on the mend. I drone on under the cut. I mean I really do. If you read thank you, if not it helps just to get everything out. My dental care the past year has been seriously traumatic.

I had an inflamed tooth that was extracted yesterday. After needing to be extracted for a week. I have medication for pain and infection. Though opioids never seem to help much. Last night I was able to get some sleep and I can chew again. My body has a lot to repair still.

This experience was a blessing in disguise, as odd as it may sound. For those who don't know, I am disabled. Sadly not in the legal sense. I can't get government support, yet I can't work a steady job because of my conditions. To put it plainly, I'm broke and must take what is given. I was without health insurance for a few years before I got medicaid. Medicaid does provide dental care, that is if you can find someone that takes it and is accepting new clients. It took over a year to find someone that was willing to take me on.

My current dentist has been a nightmare. The receptionist is obviously someone who has never struggled with money or her health. The queen bee type even though she must be in her 40s, low-key Karen. She treats everyone as if they are stupid and is extremely judgemental. Though not a major problem, dealing with her reminds me of all the girls that bullied me in my school years. That's still a sore spot for me.

The dental assistant can't take a proper x-ray. I'm not exaggerating when I say every x-ray needs at least 4 attempts. One time it took 7 tries. There is a major communication issue. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with her explaining that my filling fell out and that I can see the hole in my tooth. I don't know what she wrote down but no one knew I was coming in to have a filling redone. She is the go between for the front desk and the doctor and no one knows what's really going on. Every time I have work done she about waterboards me. She also is out of synch with the doctor. The doctor has to prompt her and even then sometimes she doesn't do what she needs to. They usually fight with each other. She is a nice person, but I feel she isn't qualified to do what she's doing.

The doctor is...something. When she isn't doing work on me she is okay and listens to me. When she's doing work she's no non-sense, which I respect, but it doesn't help my anxiety. She tells me to not fight her and to keep my head still. (I'm sorry, I can't breathe and I'm trying to not die but okay. Besides I barely moved, but now you can't see what you're doing because this place is lit worse than Dracula's castle.) She has me bend my neck back in an unnatural position that makes it difficult to breathe. I'm getting blasted with water going down my throat. I'm not completely numbed out, yet I get trigeminal neuralgia that I have to deal with for a week. (That has happened twice.) My tongue will be cut and/or burnt. I've had my lip and chin sliced as well. The entire time I feel like she's either going to yell at me or give up and say, "I can't work on you." I'm good at reading people and I can sense her frustration.

As mentioned, the lighting in there is terrible. The overhead light isn't adjustable or very bright. The chair doesn't allow for the head to gently fall back, hence the awkward pinch neck/pinned back head position that you have to hold. They don't let me see my x-rays or explain things in layman's terms. I haven't memorized teeth numbers as I didn't know that was a skill I needed. They can't seem to say 1st molar on the bottom left, just tooth 19 and I'm supposed to know which one that is. Communication over all is poor. They don't offer a print out of treatment plans so I can just figure it out myself. Their x-rays can't tell them if I need a root canal done on teeth or not. Which reminds me, they don't do root canals because they don't have the machine. They're impossible to get a hold of, they literally don't answer the phone. You have to leave a message and wait for them to get back to you. They don't have an emergency line meanwhile they are closed friday-sunday. Every time I go there I leave feeling stupid, worthless, and ugly. But, they're the only place I can go to for free and I have a lot of dental issues. End background origin.

So less than a year ago I had a filling done. It never sat right, it was overfilled, it hurt, eventually there was a gap, in Dec it fell out, 1 out of 10 bad. They had to redo it and made it sound like it was my fault it fell out. As they worked on me the tool broke. It was an interchangeable part but the new piece didn't fit. So they had to try to get the old one to work again, which they did. But if they couldn't get it working I guess I would just have to deal with an even bigger hole in my tooth for who knows how long. They told me if the pain lasts longer than 2 weeks to tell them. 2 weeks go by and I'm feeling pretty good. Slight soreness, but for a deep filling seems okay. 2 weeks and 3 days later, oh this actually hurts...but it is a major filling, the other one was like this and the pain went away after a few additional weeks. I thought it was part of the healing process as I've heard deep fillings take longer to heal and can be more painful than small ones. A couple more days, holy shit this pain is bad! I need my tooth pulled! I call and get no response, I email and get nothing, I even showed up in person and they were closed. Which is why I didn't get a response. It was during business hours on thursday. They're going to be closed all weekend. I considered going to the ER, but there isn't much they can do besides pain meds while there and antibiotics. I'm in the worst pain of my life. (This is coming from someone who walked on a broken foot for a month before finally admitting to myself it was broke and I should get medical help. I know pain.) Not only that I am worried about infection.

My mom gets and pays for my appointment at a local dentist for the following day as they do emergency appointments even for new clients. They happen to be running a deal this month and the cost ends up $19 for a full consult and extensive x-rays. Which they want to do before doing any work, understandable. Everyone there is pleasant, there's zero judgement. The place is well lit, too bright for me but absolutely needed for them. There is laughing and jokes between the staff. I get my x-rays first. None of them had to be redone. They also can tell which teeth need root canals. Everyone there listened to me and was sympathetic. When I told them my dentist didn't do root canals they were shocked. They showed me my x-rays and explained exactly what was going on with all of my teeth using layman's terms. They gave me multiple options far as saving teeth vs extractions. I told them with how much work was done on the one tooth and how much it hurt, I just wanted it gone. I was reassured that missing one tooth shouldn't cause me problems and all my bottom teeth looked good. They didn't mention how they were overcrowded, just they were healthy. They talked about my top teeth...yeah a lot of work still on those. But they can give me my smile back. I had a couple accidents which have cost me 2 teeth already, a baby tooth that needs to go, and now a days 3 that have major cavities that I could lose. All of which is, well depressing, but I was aware of it all already so it wasn't a shock. A lot of factors have gone in to my teeth but many people see missing teeth and judge. Even if they didn't I feel ugly. The past three years I haven't smiled much and I avoid photos to the point that people comment how great I am at dodging photos. My grandma felt bad and was willing to pay for an implant for my front tooth. Though I still would be missing a lot and thus still feel unattractive. For around the same price I can get a partial denture and have all my missing teeth filled in. My other dentist never gave me that option and wanted to push a bridge that would cost that only covered some of the back teeth. I already planned to go back just for the partial at some point but the extraction sealed the deal.

While they don't take medicaid, they do have a discount program that has a yearly fee of a little over $100. I signed up and already saved $330 on the extraction. Technically $230 if you subtract the yearly fee. It will knock down the price of the denture too. All work gets a discount. It's not free but it's about as cheap as you can get.

Extraction day I'm numbed out and wow am I numb! It's then that it hits me. I never felt that numb for work at the other dentist even with them doing more shots than what was done there. The chair lets my head fall back and I don't have to do the kink neck thing. I can breathe normally. They move the light and it adjusts. It's blindingly bright and they give me sunglasses to wear. The two of them moved so well together I could swear the doctor just had four hands. Anytime he said he needed a tool or suction, she had it covered. She did spurts of water and suctioned it out, none went down my throat. He kept telling me how good I was doing. He apologized a few times and when I alerted him to my tmj hurting on the opposite side he supported my jaw. I know my head moved just because of the force of everything. That wasn't an issue for them. Zero injuries to my tongue or face. Unfortunately, I did still have pain, but I know without a doubt I had the least amount of pain possible. He asked if I wanted any meds, another thing that my other dentist never offers. They are open more hours AND they have an emergency line that can be called.

It was night and day. I felt safe and I was treated like a human being. I will have to talk to my grandma and see if she will support me in getting most of my work done there. I will use the other place to get my two crowns covered and an easy extraction, the baby tooth, then goodbye forever. It's like feeling real love after being in an abusive relationship. I can't believe how I was treated. Maybe if I was in prison I could understand it. Even then I think it's still inhumane. I got a deep cleaning done at the new place as well as some preventative care. There are so many more people there and all of them are friendly and caring. 10/10

I cancelled my cleaning for the other dentist and they got back to me instantly. Hmm...okay, you don't like me cancellin, yet you don't do anything to keep me around. They actually got back to me the night before my extraction. While I was waiting on them I got antibiotics and an appointment for the extraction within a few days. I'm sure with them it would have been a week or more I'd have to deal with the pain.

This discount thing I have apparently has something with vision care as well. My eye care is a very similar story...I should see if walmart takes it because I went to them for years and never had an issue. Well besides the air puff machine punching my eye. That was a one-off thing. This other place, nothing but problems. When you have medicaid you're treated like shit. At least my doctor-doctors and specialists are all wonderful.

[plantsarebetterthanhumans]

had a surreal experience today where i went to get my teeth cleaned and the dentist lady technician person gushed excitedly about cql, xiao zhan and wang yibo to me the entire time

[hottakehoulihan]

This is a rant/musing/meandering about Worm fans WRT Wildbow. I think it's time I at least once made myself an unsubtly dissenting voice, since silence indicates agreement to so many. Move on if you like. This is probably mostly for me.

I'm white, from the USA, grew up with thrift store clothes and scavenged pencils but got to visit the dentist when needed, and was raised in the same ethnocentric, homophobic, fatphobic, ableist, Puritan-influenced culture that most of us were. I try to routinely examine and correct my biases and blind spots. I am trying to see what I might be missing, with as open a mind as I can manage.

I reread Worm (fourth readthrough, but my retention is meh) these last few months actually looking for any evidence at all I could find of the various phobias (all of them, it seems, and also the vaunted hates-drug-users) that some folk like to assert Wildbow has. I didn't find much that didn't--IMHO--more closely fit an accurate description of how the characters (including Taylor, who is literally a child that grew up in an even less-enlightened environment than most of us) are biased. This, coupled with an unfortunate shortsightedness of methodology (do NOT use dice when you write your story. It seems like a good idea to naive youth, but We Do Not Live in a world where you can just let RNG dictate that your [insert bad thing] is committed by [insert group that is already stereotyped as doing that bad thing]. (Though sometimes that's gonna happen in real life too, and art depicting things that happen in real life is Not Always Bad you just have to be careful about context and tone.) Also, try not to accidentally/subconsciously follow Hayes code-influenced patterns. ...though that's hard to do when you're making almost EVERY character a morally grey one) is all the support I see.

Whew, that was a weird parenthetical juxtaposition. Should I rewrite? Nah; it's already taking too much time.

Seriously, how many actually 100% goodguy fleshed characters does Worm have? Arguably zero. Even Yamada and Legend, by dint of having to work within the confines of their structures, made concessions to evils. Dinah made her ruthless calculus decisions just as Cauldron did. Taylor's famously grey self-justifications were agonized over no more or less than Parian's. A perfect character would be a blemish, arguably. (I'll just take Amy as my woobie; after more than a dozen years of emotional abuse and neglect by her kidnappers, she deserves a bit of consideration and rehabilitation.)

And just like I'm willing to assume that Gregor's somehow flawed, like he offscreen asserted that there are acceptable civilian losses when you're doing crimes or assaulting Cauldrons, and that's clearly bullshit because there's no actual evidence Gregor is anything less than perfect but it's easier to assume evils (and more fun to talk shit) than not, I figure a bunch of folk are trying to fit in by agreeing and priming their confirmation biases accordingly.

And this is without, even, considering the millions of other words in non-Worm stuff. You're gonna read Pale and tell me this same junk?

...though, well, perhaps my cutie Biscuit, and a thing Louise said about addicts essentially vanishing from the lives of their loved ones, might count as being against habitual recreational narcotic use. I'll think about that over my next bottle of wine.

I like reading light novels, and fluffy fanfics, and similar, even though usually the characters involved seldom have what you might call facets. When the retired orc warrior who started a gnomish coffeeshop moves on to her next volume, I'm there, and I don't care if I never find out that she once had to choose between leaving baby goblins to die in a fire or saving a teammate from a spike trap.

I've read so many stories where there's no such thing as an 'ism', or rather there's just no example of representation, because every character is two steps away from being an AFGNCAAP (Ageless, Faceless, Gender-Neutral, Culturally-Ambiguous Adventure Person)

I think Wildbow is serious about trying to always be a better writer in the approaching-MFA sense. I see efforts to portray believable behavior of real "human" (whether human or not) characters from multiple backgrounds, in a world that scans as plausibly diverged from the same sort of ugly we live in today.

I do not see any more latent phobias of any sort than I see in pretty much anything else available to read, from fanfic to bestseller lists to "new favorites" lists at the local library. In fact, I see markedly less, to include some (fuck 'em) commenters complaining about shoehorned-in wokeness.

It's weird to me that, given the body of work and the literal black-and-white facts about who and what exist within, and the extra time and effort the author made and makes (too much, IMO) generously engaging with the fans, the default is to diss the author for not doing even more. In their first work. Of which half the concept and much of the worldbuilding dated from grade-school practice. And it's still great.

And I'm saying this about a story where a significant number of the villains are literally white male nazis, torturemurderers, and literally inhuman terrorists. You wouldn't expect people to be demanding a lot of nuance if you were an outsider to this story. But Worm delivers, IMO.

This is not in response to anything recent; I've been chewing on this for years prior to even joining tumblr or creating this username.

tl;dr: Are you sure you're not talking shit about Wildbow just to fit in with the other cool snarksters and feel cool and cynical and superior? Instead of sincere? Because I went looking, and, respectfully, I think you're wrong. And it's a bit ugly and sad.

[absolutebl]

BL Coming in March 2023 

The month of Thailand busting up established pairs, apparently. 

03/01

The Promise, (Thai WeTV) 10 eps - friends-to-lovers, follow up to a previously aired miniseries Phupha | Nanfah. Because of this and the WeTV platform I likely won’t bother.  

03/02

All the Liquors prev. Liquor (Korea Gaga & Viki) 8 eps - Liquor company rep and party boy Han Ji Yu buts heads (and other stuff? eh, it’s Korea, probably not) with hot chef Park Ki Hoon, who doesn't drink.

Heesu In Class 2 (Korea unknown prob Viki and/or Gaga) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education? Based on a webtoon. Heesu’s world revolves around Chanyoung, his best friend and secret crush. He doesn’t mind cheering Chanyoung from the sidelines or listening to all his girl problems. He doesn’t care if people only know him as “Chanyoung’s friend.” Then one day, Heesu starts hearing his name everywhere. On the bus, in the halls, during lunch… Turns out, there’s a rumor going around school (Got a love problem? Find Heesu in Class 2 and he’ll tell you what to do!) and with that, Heesu suddenly finds himself the center of attention. But how could he give anyone advice? He doesn’t even know what to do about his own crush! 

I want this one to happen SO Bad but am very nervous about all the delays and connected sandals and lack of distribution so late in the game. It started filming in December and seems more of an ensemble cast with lots of mixed in het romance. So... ??? 

03/03

A Boss and a Babe (Thai YouTube) 12 eps - ForceBook in an office boss/employee. Chay is a sunshine gamer who wants to get big in the e-sports industry. However, his plans are dramatically altered when is made to intern at a company. There his boss Gun has him do some pretty weird errands, confusing Chay about his true intentions. What do Gun’s actions mean? And will Chay return back to his gaming life?

I’m optimistic, I want ForceBook to get another chance and I like a cheesy office romance. 

03/04 (maybe March 9 international)

Love Syndrome (Thai unknown prob iQIYI or Gaga) 10 eps - trailer, based on a Y-novel, has side characters from Unforgotten Night but no crossover actors or other apparent connections. Day & It have been together for 2 years (looks like a violent off again on again thing). An accident leaves Day seriously injured and It blames himself then Day wakes up with amnesia. (Stars Frank formerly of FrankDrake.) 

03/08

Pastsenger AKA Past-senger (Thai Gaga) 12 eps- Stars Marc (My Gear & Your Gown) and Cooper (My Engineer) who were both formerly paired with others, in a time travel paranormal that smacks of HIStory 5. Sunshine 90s kid travels to 2022, goes to university, encounters grumpy nerd. 

03/09 

Our Dating Sim (Korea unknown prob Viki) - What happens when two men, friends since schoo, meet again at work to create a dating simulation game together. 

03/12 (maybe March 19 international)

Future the series (Thai YouTube & Gaga?) 5 eps - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love - yeah I didn’t know that was based on a novel, either). About, you guessed it, an engineering student and a dentist. Maybe this will be the FOTS we were all hoping for? Fuse (the engineering student) is played by Boom from the En of Love and is kinda the same character (Field). I think we can expect this one to be soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. 

03/14

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea Viki & Gaga) 7 eps - Adaptation of Dongmul's manwha this is high school set and appears to feature a teasing confident gay and a rich/poor pairing, with themes of hurt/comfort and homophobia/gossip. One boy starts a dating rumor with another, putting the later’s archery scholarship in jeopardy. Stars idols Jaehan & Yechan BOTH from Kpop group OMEGA X. 

THIS IS ONE OF MY MOST ANTICIPATED BLS OF 2023!!! I still can’t quite believe it will actually happen. 

03/17

Unintentional Love Story (Korea iQIYI) 6 eps? - Ceramic artist Yoon Tae Joon has withdrawn from society, but Ji Won Young (an employee at a large company) tracks him down. Ji Won Young is intent on winning over the heart of Yoon Tae Joon as he's the company chairman's favorite artist. Stars actor Cha Seo Wo and idol Gongchan (maknae of B1A4). 

Individual Circumstances mark 2? No thank you. But if I must, I must. 

03/22 

Make a Wish (Thai Viu) - trailer, stars Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a light-hearted medical-fantasy romance with a comedic flair. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish. He is shocked to find the doctor can actually see him and decides to help him find the reason for his ghostly ability. Thus begins a chaotic yet romantic journey. From a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). 

I’ll watch it if I can get hold of it. We’ve seen Fluke iwth other pairing before, and I like Sammon’s stuff. 

(source)

This is not an exhaustive list. Not responsible for updates that come after date of post. Read the comments for more info and changes. 

[luveline]

my new years resolution is to email one (1) publisher! I've written just like just shy of a million words of fanfic and a few original books, but never anything i wanted to publish - im loving the novel im writing at the moment and i want to at least give myself that 1 in a million chance to get it noticed!

i might nick your dentist resolution & add on 'getting doctor's appts when needed' - I'm so bad at dodging appts like that! i hope you have the wonderful new year you deserve! <3

One of mine is to actually complete a full original story because writing original fiction takes practice and I am not practicing it 😭 I really hope you do honey!! There are so many books in the world and there's so mu ch room for more ♥♥ I'll steal yours back and say I should probably go to the doctors more often too 😭 have a happy new year babe!!!!!!!!

[melancholiaenthroned]

@eyeballplanets tagged me to post either my nine top books of 2023 or nine books im planning on reading in 2024! doing the first one becuz my tbr list is a mile long and i have no idea which ones ill get to this year

house of leaves (mark z. danielewski) this was the first book i read in 2023 and it stayed at the top of my list. cant even put into words how much i love this book

mr. humble & dr. butcher (brandy schillace) biography a surgeon who was really into the idea of head/brain transplants. dont read if squeamish

fight club (chuck palahniuk) if you knew me the month after i read this book where i considered going off my anti psychotics to see if i could manifest a dykey tyler durden in my life. im sorry

my heart is a chainsaw (stephen graham jones) who else is excited for the angel of indian lake coming out this... march i think? i miss jade so bad its stupid

we have always lived in the castle (shirley jackson) also read hill house last year but limiting myself to one book per author

the left hand of darkness (ursula k. le guin) life changing. i need to do a reread.

night sky with exit wounds (ocean vuong) not allowing myself to put graphic novels/comics on this list but i am allowing poetry because this was the best collection ive ever read

the membranes (chi ta-wei) i love you sci fi i love you sci fi i love you sci fi

the sleeping car porter (suzette mayr) forced myself out of my comfort zone and into a genre i dont normally read (historical fiction) and was honestly delighted. can i be real im tired of characters who want to be great artists or writers like we need more guys whos main goal is to be a dentist. and this book understood that.

thank you again for tagging me ^_^ ill tag @sunriseverse @honeylemony @bladeofavernus @ruffolive (no pressure obvi) and anybody else who wants to<3

[cinemaocd]

Jenny's ongoing list of films watched 2024

February

January list, here.

Inland Empire (2006)*** It took three attempts to get through this long, confusing film. Like Mulholland Drive or the Season Three of Twin Peaks, Lynch films improve on repeat viewings even if meaning remains elusive. That is part of the joy-- sometimes you just vibe with it.

Death of Stalin (2017)**** One of my favorite films of the last two decades. A harried farce with the bloody-mindedness of Macbeth. Like the Scottish Play, we know how its going to come out, but the fun is in watching the articulate villain, played with delicious malice by Simon Russell Beale being outdone by a team of bumbling, petty bureaucrats and one very bad ass soldier. The Boyfriend (1970)*** Ken Russell's surreal tribute to the burlesque musical genre makes the most of its setting in the 1920s by putting his star Twiggy in iconic psychadelic reiterations of the flapper dress. If you opine the fact that drop waist dresses come back into style every 15 years or so, then this movie is as much to blame as anything. Poor Things (2023)*** Emma Stone gives a wild and convincing physical performance as Bella, a baby's brain in the body of her dead mother and Mark Ruffalo as typical 19th Century Rake Getting His Comeupance iscasting I didn't know I needed. I loved the yearning Godwin (Willem Defoe in truly amazing Frankenstein's monster makeup) and though I haven't read the book, I was drawn into the grotesque, ai generated world of the film. The aesthetics of this movie are as engrossing as the story and characters. Adventures of a Dentist (1965)** The Soviet version of the live action Disney comedies of the 70s, where a humble person is given magical power. Here a dentist is given extraordinary, almost magical abilities to perform dentistry without pain. He becomes a celebrity and his fall from grace involves him giving in to the decadent trappings of being a popular dentist. The humor has a darker edge than Disney though I wouldn't go so far as to call it a black comedy. Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall (1973)** This Spike Milligan film plays like a double episode of Dad's Army, not least because of the presence of Arthur Lowe who plays practically the same character here as he does on the tv show. That is not the end of the world however and this is easy to like farce with Milligan's ascerbic, anti-authoritarian bent that is grittier than anything on the sitcom. The Master (2012)** I had high hopes for this, one of Phillip Seymour Hoffman's final films and his last collaboration with director Paul Thomas Anderson is loosely based on the origin story of Scientology. Joaquin Phoenix plays a shell shocked veteran who drifts into the path of the cult leader played by Hoffman. Amy Adams gives a chilling performance as his much younger, controlling wife who is the real power behind the cult. I think I would have an easier time with this film if Anderson hadn't gone around giving interviews saying that Scientology and it's founder L. Ron Hubbard had "helped a lot of people." Of course, this is PTA and Phoenix's character isn't helped at all and he makes the cult worse by being a violent enforcer for the leader's enemies. The levels of whitewashing involved in making a deeply misogynistic cult into a secret matriarchy is just...ugh. However, the homoerotic tension between Hoffman and Phoenix makes the film worth looking out. Murder of Quality (1991)** Made for TV adaptation of John Le Carre's second novel. Denholm Elliott plays Smiley as more doddering and anti-social than Alec Guinness' iconic version of the character. This early Smiley story is more a traditional English village murder mystery, ala Miss Marple, with Glenda Jackson playing Ailsa, Smiley's war buddy that runs a women's magazine. Christian Bale plays one of the students at an elite prep school that forms the economic backbone of the town. Le Carre is merciless in his portrayal of the toxic, petty characters, the wealthy and wannabe wealthy swamp dwellers who run rings around the local constabulary until Smilley steps in and withstands their slings and arrows long enough to solve the case.

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1970)*** Sometimes you sit down to watch a movie with such low expectations that you are pleasantly surprised that it doesn't totally suck. The excitement of things not being as bad as you feared can blot out some of a movie's excesses. At the end of the day this is Billy Wilder, physically incapable of creating a boring movie throwing the whole bag of tricks at this faux biography of Holmes starring Robert Stephens and Colin Blakely. There's farce and physical comedy, verbal gymnastics and exotic locations. Holmes' possible homosexuality is tastefully hinted at and attempts to create a sensationalist account of his drug use, amount to little before the mystery gets rolling. One of the big delights is Christopher Lee as Mycroft whose scenes with Robert Stephens are bitchy queen pissing contests. Genevieve Page does a turn as a would be damsel in distress who turns out to be a worthy opponent to Holmes similar to Irene Adler.

Irma La Duce (1963)*** For some reason between this and Poor Things I ended up watching two movies about Parisian brothels this month. Billy Wilder based this pastiche of 1950s travelogue adventure films like To Catch a Thief and Charade on a French stage play. A strange attempt to weld the success of the Apartment with Some Like it Hot, reconfiguring a Marilyn Monroe vehicle as a reunion of Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine. Like the Apartment, Irma LaDuce is tinged with melancholy while avoiding a lot of the cliches about sex work that wind up dating so many films on this topic. The main complaint I have about Irma LaDuce s that it's about 45 minutes too long, a common complaint about many films of this period. (Damn Lawrence of Arabia and all who sail in her).

Witness for the Prosecution (1982)*** A made for tv adaptation of the classic courtroom drama, which credits Billy Wilder's screenplay of his film version. Ralph Richardson and Deborah Kerr star in this remake and honestly their chemistry is just off the charts and we're left to wonder how they never managed to make a film together before. Wendy Hiller, Diana Rigg and Beau Bridges round out the amazing cast. Lacks the tension and edge of Wilder's film but I'm having too much fun with Ralph to care.

The Major and the Minor (1942)**: Billy Wilder's first film as writer and director has some of the hallmarks of his later, greater works: farce, trains, mistaken identity, and queer themes in the form of a lesbian coded sister of Ginger Roger's romantic rival. That all the fuss is about fairly bland Ray Milland is easy enough to overlook as Wilder makes the film about toying with Rogers image as sophisticated, sexy, dancer. Typical Wilder inside jokes about the film industry abound, such as a craze for Veronica Lake hairdos among the tween set and swipes at Hollywood actors like Charles Boyer Rogers' childish masquerade to avoid paying full adult fare is preceded by a series of calamities where she's pursued and objectified by a lot of nasty older men. Hoping to escape their advances as well as the ignominity of turnstyle jumping, she maintains the charade through a long weekend with a lot of handsy tween boys until Milland's fiancee is discredited as a controlling social climber. There is a bizarre side track into her home town where Rogers also impersonates her mother before revealing her grown adult self to Milland. No one ever accused Billy Wilder of being restrained I guess.

The Children's Hour (1961)**** This classic of queer cinema was necessarily a scorched earth tragedy at the time of its release. William Wyler's dreamy, restless camera drags you into the warm, cozy life of this female partnership between Shirley Maclaine and Audrey Hepburn that seemingly has the potential to be a romantic partnership. When nasty gossips and spoiled children start a rumor that they are a couple, the scandal destroys their business and standing in the community. Terrorized by the homophobic townspeople, they are eventually "cleared" of the crime of being gay for each other, just when Maclaine's character comes to the brutal realization that she really is in love with Audrey Hepburn's character. It's hard to watch her grief and shame as she admits that the bullies have discovered a truth about her that she didn't know herself. A fact so many queer people can find relatable. The film is based on a play by Lilian Hellman which used the topic of homosexuality to expose the cruelty of female narcissists who bully their way into power. There is much in common with Hellman's The Little Foxes in that way, but the film, perhaps owing to Wyler's inherent romanticism has more of a Romeo and Juliet quality than the play. One feels that Audrey Hepburn has perhaps realized the truth in the lie, just a few moments too late.

Sweet Charity (1969)*** Directed by Bob Fosse, starring Shirley MacLaine and Sammy Davis Jr and Chita Rivera this classic musical combines the best of Fossee's signature choreography, sixties pop show tunes and the psychadelic aesthetics of the late 60s. This and the Boyfriend have a lot in common, though I think the music in Sweet Charity is more solid and the contemporary setting makes it a tad edgier. MacLaine plays yet another flavor of sex worker, a dancehall hostess and paid companion who seeks to be elevated out of her life into respectability through marriage. The fiancee here is uptight and lacking in appeal and when he finally just flakes out in the final reel it's no great loss to the film.

Thief (1981)** Atypical heist film starring James Caan and Jim Belushi, directed by Miama Vice creator Michael Mann. You can see the beginnings of that iconic 80s TV show, in this movie which favors long scenes of action being edited to music with sparse dialog. Caan squares off against Tom Signorelli a local mob boss who dares to threaten Caan's wife played by Tuesday Weld.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

EVERY FOUNDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WAS

But if angel investors become more active and better known, they'll increasingly be able to reach most of the changes will be for the better. You can use that target growth rate. Ditto for PayPal. Are there zero users who really love you, but they know better than to be friends with the people whose discoveries will make them so. A few steps down from the top. Professors have to publish novel results to advance their careers, but there won't be many of them. When we cook one up we're not always 100% sure which kind it is. So the deals take longer, dilute you more, and impose more onerous conditions. They'll just have become a different, more conservative, type of investment. C was written by people who needed it for systems programming. But I could be wrong. What you're really doing when you start to see growth, they claim they were your friend all along, and are aghast at the thought of a 30% success rate at fundraising makes my stomach clench.

Being around bad people would be intolerable. And it's true, the benefit that specific manager could derive from the forces I've described. Jessica Livingston, Robert Morris, Eric Raymond, Guido van Rossum, David Weinberger, and Steven Wolfram for reading drafts of this. But only about 10% of the time we could find at least one good name in a 20 minute office hour slot. Actually what they need to do two things, one of the keys to retaining their monopoly. And so ten years ago, he could teach him some new things; if a psychologist met a colleague from 100 years ago, writing software pretty much meant writing software in C or Perl. Now we needed to stay alive.

We'll probably never be able to match. I think hiring people is the worst thing a company can do. Hacking is something you do with it. Because they haven't tried to control it too much, Twitter feels to everyone like previous protocols. Nearly all your attachment to it comes from it being attached to you. Why programmers, more than dentists or salesmen or landscapers? So why did they even evolve? For example, the Honeywell thermostats in my house have the most atrocious UI. Barbershops are doing fine in the a department. Imagine the obelisk of startups. And now that I'm an investor, the thought of our startups keeps me up at night. The process inherently tends to produce an unpleasant result, like a student who hasn't prepared for an exam.

To be self-funding—Microsoft for example—but most aren't. You just try to get people to pay you for stuff. Investors' opinions are explicitly tested: startups come to them and they have started to use it? You're better off avoiding these. That's true. A rounds creep inexorably downward. That's nonsense. They're increasingly rare, and they're going to get rarer. The company being sold.

But the way they write software. How much is that extra attention worth? To the popular press, hacker means someone who breaks into computers. The founders can't enrich themselves without also enriching the investors. People don't do hard things gratuitously; no one will work on a harder problem unless it is proportionately or at least to know what an n 2 algorithm is if you want to avoid writing them. In fact many of the people who had them to continue thinking about. Fortunately if this does happen it will take years. And when the Mac appeared, it was obvious that rapid development would be important in this market. Was there a connection?

In a world of small companies, performance is all anyone cares about. It must once have been inhabited by someone fairly eccentric, because a lot of investors hated the idea, but they don't need as much of the innovation is unconscious. You know what a throwaway program is: something you write quickly for some limited task. This may not be easy, because a they may be, but more a way of predicting performance. Civil liberties make countries rich. One thing it means is that at least 20-25% of the code in this program is doing things that you can't be pointed off to the side and hope to succeed. A round.

[returnsandreturns]

sorting through the prequel i started writing for the bdsm romcom novel

“You didn’t drop out of law school because Stephen broke up with you, did you?” Stef asks, hands on her hips, her always surprising but welcome maternal mode kicking in. He can always tell by the arch of her eyebrows, like she’s about to make him cocoa before threatening his bully. “Did he tell you that you should?”

“I dropped out this morning,” Andy says, breathing very carefully, “and I went to him first, which was dumb."

Laurel rests her head on his shoulder, slides an arm around his waist. She’s so good at knowing when to touch people, filling in gaps in moments, smiling just right.

“What did he say?” Stef asks, glaring at him.

“. . .he said he wasn’t surprised,” Andy says, sighing. It would have hurt worse coming from somebody who actually loves him—and if Stephen loves him, he’s doing it wrong most of the time.

There’s a deadly silence and he turns slowly to see Laurel, streaked with pale blues and pinks and wearing a t-shirt covered in badgers, with a look of absolute white hot fury on her face.

“Hey, historically I pick guys who practically hate me,” he says, letting out a laugh that only trembles a little. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“We can’t kill him,” Stef says, directed at Laurel, “but we can threaten him.”

“Or we could kill someone else,” Laurel says, “and then frame him for the crime.”

“. . .well, at that point we could just kill him,” Stef says.

Andy’s got his knees practically pulled up to his chest but he’s smiling, smiling wider when they look over and give him worried looks, like he’s about to fully lose the plot and maybe need to go to a hospital for a brief holding period.

“I love you guys,” he says.

Laurel smiles back, murmurs, “Sweetheart,” and basically crawls into his lap.

Stef looks squirrely before she says, “You’re okay, I guess,” and grabs her coat, heading for the door.

“Are you going to buy a weapon?” he asks.

“Just keep your mouth shut!” she calls back, door slamming behind her.

“You’re too cool to be a lawyer,” Laurel says, when he turns to look at her, face very close to his. “I’ve always said that.”

“You’ve never said that,” Andy says, laughing.

“That’s because I thought it was your dream,” Laurel says, “and I actively try not to crush your dreams, you beautiful butterfly. But this was a bad dream and you’re making a very smart decision and I’m definitely gonna frame that guy for some kind of crime. Or blackmail, maybe—does he have any horrible secrets?”

“None that he told me,” Andy says, feeling kind of sick when he thinks about it. “We never really had conversations, actually. He would just talk and then tell me I talked too much when I tried to talk about myself.”

“You guys have been a thing for a year,” Laurel says, softly. “Andy, has it been like this the whole time?”

“There was a honeymoon period,” Andy says, sinking down further into the couch. “There was wooing—I really like being wooed.”

“Who doesn’t like a good wooing?” she murmurs, patiently waiting for him to continue.

“It was my first relationship that lasted more than a couple of months,” Andy says, eventually, staring at the ceiling instead of her endlessly sympathetic face. “I looked past a few things that hurt a little and then I kept looking past things and then I just felt like shit all the time.��

“You know, one time Stef told me that I was being too happy,” Laurel says, biting her lip when she smiles, “and she immediately died, was reborn, apologized for six hours straight and then went down on me for the next six hours. People say shitty stuff sometimes but they apologize after if they’re humans and not—swoopy haired shiny teethed monsters.”

“His teeth were so shiny,” Andy groans, covering his face with his hands.

“One might say too shiny,” Laurel offers. “Like, we get it, you can afford a dentist."

[bettsfic]

Congratulations on finishing your novel!! Is there anything you can tell us about it at this point, or is it too early for that to be shared? No worries if that's the case. I hope we all get the chance to read it one day :)

i haven't talked about it a lot so i don't have a solid pitch or anything, but the main character is henry, an autistic underwriter with a deeply fucked up past. and he's in love with his coworker layla but trying very hard not to be.

he's also a recovering sex addict who uses bdsm for self-harm, and he has a daddy dom named thrash whose main kink is giving him everything he wants.

layla seems very sweet and normal, but she's even more obsessed with henry than he is with her. i wanted to make a character who believes they're a sociopath but who is actually not at all a sociopath.

but her older sister lacey is definitely a sociopath.

when layla finds out the horrific things that happened to henry in childhood, she plots to murder henry's father.

and she teams up with thrash to get it done.

henry's POV: hopeful coming of age story about a 30 year old whose growth was stymied by trauma but who comes to realize his life's purpose is art. layla's POV: true crime novel.

excerpt under the cut!

thrash's intro, cw for suicidal ideation, drug use, and questionable bdsm practices.

On his porch there are prayer flags and paper lanterns. Adirondack chairs flanking a glass table with a bronze ashtray, so clean it looks as though it has never been used. Mariachi music floods out from behind the door. I can walk away. I should walk away.

I knock. The music volume lowers and a moment later, he is opening the door, wearing a pair of board shorts and a Hawaiian shirt covered in Birds of Paradise, even though there is snow on the ground. 

He grins and opens his arms wide and welcoming. “King!” 

He gives the best hugs. Too long, too tight, but it’s a single moment during which you cannot fall apart, because Thrash is holding you together.

He pulls away, holds me by the shoulders, looks me up and down. “How long has it been? A year?”

“Nine months.”

He knocks my chin lightly with a knuckle. “Really, man. I’m glad to see you. I missed you.” 

I follow him inside. The house is enormous, intended to be one of those rich-people hideous stock houses, identical to all those around it and everything in shades of beige, but he has made it his own, art hung all over in a never-ending rotation as he buys new pieces. Ugliest shit anyone’s ever seen. Once, high, I told him he had bad taste. He laughed and said, “You don’t know fuck about art, man. Good art to you is probably the shit you’d hang in a dentist’s office.”

Maybe if he hadn’t said that, the tattoos wouldn’t be a thing. Maybe I only wanted to be beautiful for him. Something worth hanging.

The pieces have all rotated out since I’ve been here last, aside from the six-by-six abstract piece across from the front door, the first sight when you walk in. He’s always happy to talk about every piece he owns—where he got it and for how much, what he knows about the artist—but he never talks about that one. 

Over the past eight years I’ve known Thrash, I’ve spent a long time looking at it, no title or signature, an enormous canvas flecked with pastel oil paint, all thirty-six square feet of it, so covered you couldn’t see the canvas beneath. Pale pink, robin’s egg blue, butter yellow, mint green—colors that remind us of infants, of safety and smallness. Yet it's enormous, overwhelming, bigger than me.

Thrash is a generous man. He buys lavish gifts, throws insane parties, donates probably over six figures a year to arts organizations and scholarships. He once mentioned a wing of a university library dedicated to him. He never charges me for drugs. When I ask him for things, he says, “Your wish is my command.”

There is an allure, I think, in having the power to grant anyone their wildest, darkest wish.

He is cooking something and the house smells very good. I have not eaten since the Bavarian sandwich with spicy mustard and no cheese, sweet potato fries, and brownie sundae with no whipped cream (Layla ate two bites and I demolished the rest). I have also not had anything to drink since Layla shoved a Glacier Cherry Gatorade in my hand and told me to chug. 

In the kitchen, he stirs a huge pot of something on the stove and says, “I hope you’re hungry. I don’t want to have to freeze these leftovers.” He opens the fridge. “What’re you drinking? IPA? Lager? Wait, right, you’re a pilsner guy.”

He pulls out a bottle of pilsner and pops it open with the churchkey welded to his counter top. When he hands it over, he asks, “You feeling okay?” 

“Rough day.”

He slaps my shoulder. “Let me take all your troubles away, huh?”

*

I eat arroz con pollo on Thrash’s couch. He tells me about his trip to Mexico. When his bowl is empty, he sets it aside and takes two bumps of coke off the back of his hand, one for each nostril. I prefer him a little coked up. He is too nice to me when he’s not.

Thrash is fifty-three. His hair is still dark brown which makes me think he gets it dyed. Usually he has only a mustache but to fit with what seems to be his whole post-vacation vibe, his chin is covered in stubble. He is very tan.

I am attracted to him not just because he’s good at what he does, but because he’s totally free. Untethered from anything or anyone.

“Alright,” he says, lounging back on the couch, feet propped on the coffee table. “What are you looking for tonight?”

“The usual.”

“You haven’t been here in nine months. There’s no more usual.” 

“I want to go back to what we did in the beginning.”

His shapely eyebrows rise up his forehead. “Getting into dangerous territory, baby boy.”

When he calls me “baby boy,” I know I have said something he likes.

He reaches over and takes me by the chin, forces me to look at him. “I don’t want to hurt you. I mean I do but I don’t, you feel me?”

“You barely knew me back then.”

“I know, babe. But I’m older, I’m wiser, and I don’t have a liability form.”

“I trust you.”

Something flickers across his face, and for a moment he is not Thrash, but whoever he is on the outside, the actor of our ongoing scene. Then it fades and he grins, once more my personal Dionysus.

*

In the basement, I undress. I fold my clothes neatly and place them on the lid of a vinyl record player. Thrash is taking off his ridiculous shirt. He is really very tan.

“You been working out, man?” he asks. “You look good.”

“Thanks,” I say, wishing he would gag me already. Small talk is hard enough in real life; I don’t want to have to attempt it in a sex dungeon. I climb onto my favorite spanking bench, the one that is not too comfortable that I start to feel good, but not so uncomfortable it distracts me. I am irritated that Thrash has made me choose between being gagged or restrained—one, I can safeword but not move; the other, I can tap out but not speak. I fear he is conforming to the tyrannical writ of Safe, Sane, and Consensual, over my much-preferred Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.

I have opted for gagging. 

“How about this one?” he asks, grinning stupidly and holding up a leather paddle that says SLUT on it, backwards.

“No.”

“Yeesh. Such a traditionalist.” He paws through the drawer. “Come on, babe, help me narrow it down.”

I make a frustrated sound through my teeth. Around Thrash, I do not have to worry about my rotely memorized conversational schemas or the intricate performance of social mores. Under the mask, I am irritable, cruel, inconsiderate. I insult thoughtlessly. I express plainly my disinterest. My honesty is brutal. I am a mean person.

“Flogger it is, then. Old reliable.” Thrash points the handle of the flogger at me. “You’re lucky I accommodate your aversion to decision-making. You find a worse guy than me, you’ll be in real trouble.”

“Is there anyone worse than you?”

He whistles through his teeth and says, “So bratty today. But I love it when you flirt with me.” 

He circles the bench, assessing whatever it is he assesses. His hand is on my lower back. “You’re feeling some kind of way right now, huh?”

I close my eyes. The leather warms beneath my cheek. “You could say that.”

“I’ll be real hard on you, okay? Get you out of your head for a while.”

“Thank you.”

His hand is soft, the hand of a man who has never had to do manual labor besides hurting people for fun. He slides it up to my shoulder. I wish he would scratch it, but if he starts, I won’t want him to stop. “You get new ink? This looks fresh.”

“Yesterday. Don’t tell me what it is.”

“You don’t know what it is?”

“I never know. I just let the artist do her thing.”

“You’re saying—hold on. You’re telling me you didn’t choose a single one of these eight hundred tattoos you got?”

“Right.”

“You know I love you, baby boy, but you’re a real freak.” He takes the ball gag and says, “Alright, open up.”

*

When I first met Thrash, he didn’t know the meaning of aftercare. He did his thing, fucked me, and said, “See you next time.” Now it is non-negotiable. I get the full treatment: massage, praise, a glass of water and a snack. Nowadays I think Thrash likes aftercare more than the scene itself. It sickens me. He didn’t go as hard on me as I had hoped, didn’t fuck me or get me off, and as he guides me upstairs, heavy hand on the back of my neck, I can’t help but sense his concern at conflict with his distance. I hate when people step carefully around me. 

I am drunk on pain. I am swimming through an abyss. I am an animal, a body wandering.

He puts together a bunch of leftovers in an environmentally friendly Whole Foods tote bag. He has included coupons to a Mexican restaurant he insists is authentic, and a twenty-five dollar gas card he just had lying around. He is talking the whole time, but I can’t hear what he’s saying.

The blunt force cold upon stepping outside snaps me out of it. Thrash has followed me out in only his gaudy shirt and board shorts. He folds into a chair. Tugs a pack of Marlboro Golds out of his shirt pocket. Slips one out, lights it. 

I stop on the top step of his porch and turn back to him. The paper lanterns are lit up, along with white fairy lights around the trim. 

“If I asked you to, would you kill me?”

He leans back and exhales a cloud of both smoke and condensation. I am grateful he has neither laughed at me nor dismissed it as outlandish. Now that I think about it, he has never laughed at me.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Why you want to die.”

“Because I’m too hard to love.”

He gives me a long look while he takes a long drag. “Be hard to love, baby,” he says, tapping ash into the immaculate tray. “Make them fight for it.”

[k-white]

Personal Opinions of GMMTV PART2 SERIES

To nobodys request I am gonna do a opinions on the gmmtv trailers, let it be stated that I barely watch anything lately so we'll see how many I will actually watch🤣

so lets start, I will go in order of how they came out on the lineup:

Ossans Love Thailand: I do not like slapstick it isn't my thing but strangely enough I liked this trailer it made me laugh a lot and seeing EM in a show where they can be silly and ceazy is so fun plus the chemistry with the Boss was working, I haven't watched the japanese but I might go back and watch that cuz I wanna ne up on top of knowing the plot

Leap Year: It looks cool and has Gun, feels a little more survival show wich isn't really my thing but the concept is cool, I am always ready to try out more put there plots with supernatural elements and the acting seemed solid for both Dew and Pond

The Heart Killers: hem do I even need to say anything? BE GAY DO CRIME SHAKESPERE WITH FK AND JOJO DIRECTING I think this suffices moving on! jokes aside I am so exited for an action romcom with betrayal and tattoos and my babies looked AMAZING

Friendshit Forever: it's Mook and Pat acting their asses off and almost killing eachother while looking sapphic doing that, so yes please, New and Boom are ok man ruinibg things as always lol/j but honestly I would watch this for the girls and the drama plus Pat is literally a goddes I love that woman

Perfect 10 Liners: sigh another gay engeneers cute boy ensble with 2 couples I am not particualry a fan of om screen(FB PC) and one I have no feelings for(JM) plus the plot looks so uninspired and boring and if it is true it's gonna be 10 eps per couple you bet your ass you wont see me sit thtough this thing! We Are is enough and at least there I like the pairs

Us: FUCK YES BABY GIMME THE GL, this looked so artsy and indie it didn't even give off thai show vibes with the minimalist approach and cinematography, the story is gonna be angsty as fuck but I live for it and Girl falling for the guys sister? Man good drama, and it has Sing and Emi looking mighty fine plus Bonnie wich is so pretty, you will be seeing me seated for this one

Hide & Sis: Again it has women, and WHAT WOMEN GEEZ! Jan, Lookjun and Piploy???? god I am melting they are everything, it is very PS I Hate You and thank god Snap went back to that after Jungle, stick to the messy murder plots, it honestly might not be everybody shit but it's mine and I will take it, tho the revenge porn is trash and fuck you Chimons character, and Lookjun and Pepper actually playing a sort of couole on screen! and oh Gawin as a cop(probably corrupted) brings back memories

Thame-Po: another one that doesn't have gmmtv vibes and I like it when they try to branch out, the idol subplot isn't my thing tho even if I know LYKN are good, EstWilliam mmmm they look pretty but didn't really vibe with the acting, they do have good chemistry tho, for this one I might have to wait for the actual trailer

Break Up Service: NO moving on... ok fine this is ridiculous and does not give me anything even if there is Off in a suit, the comedy wasn't even good next

Revamp: I know this is Boons crown jewel and it looks good but vampire shows are hit or miss and I am not that into them but I think I will watch for the cast and cuz I am attached to BP, and Kay in a villain role is cheffs kiss

Sweet Tooth, Good Doctor: SIGHHHH Oh Mark what have they done to you? they were able to make Mark Pakin look plain MARK! UNACCEPTABLE! plus dentists? I have visceral reactions to just thw sounds of the trailer, Ohms acting still isn't to my liking and it is a Jittirain novel so skeptical isn't even cutting it, the trailer even if less slapstick as OL it cringed me, the balance of humour and romance is off, I think I will watch but just for Mark, Jimmy and View

The Dark Dice: meh felt like a bootleg gifted in a bad way idk I like Gem and Prim enough but this didn't give me anything much, might have to wait for final trailer here too

The Ex Morning: I like the concept don't care at all about anchor man plot, still not a big fan of Krists acting, but I like Singto and the ex part was interesting enough, we will see, might be a little too meta and not in a good way

Scarlet Heart: My Tu come back and ot is a Harem Reverse? WHY??? I hate harem shows always had, I don't even know the og show, I do like most of the cast but still this was just a teaser so I might need to check the og show and then the full trailer to judge, for now I am not into it and I am sorry cuz MY TU!

Ok thats it, overall I liked this lineup better than part 1(even if it's just cuz of FK be in an actual show and not just to announce School Rangers) for now I am in for most of the shows we shall see once they start airing but I stay optimistic that I will watch most

by by

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL - Korea is coming after your office romance crown, Japan

March 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 6 of 10 - (sorry, yes I knew they extended it to 10, and I don’t think it’s a good sign) I thought the kink moment was kinda cute, and it illustrates the best thing about f-buddy relationships, license to play and explore. Also language play! (You know phi/nong is also for pets, right?) Poor Uea never gets to keep a grain of happiness very long - so now he’s pushing it away and self isolating. Sigh, I do hope there is happiness for a few eps at the end of all this trauma. 

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love) about an engineering student and a dentist. Expect this one to stay soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. I LOVE it. Bad sound and wooden acting but this is a classic old school Thai pulp. Older shy (but delightfully manipulative) sweetie dentist Ana with crush on younger sappy sunshine jock engineering student, Fuse. Very much a puppy/cat pairing. I admit, knowing all the various characters’ back stories means everything makes more sense. The friends’ conversations make me laugh a lot, but this is a very talkie show, with not awesome subs, so certainly not for everyone. I’ve already rewatched the first ep 3x. 

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 3 of 12 eps - I enjoy that its the tsundere uke developing feelings first. Unusual approach. I also like that fake dating is being deployed to protect the girl from a stalker. It’s silly but I’m starting to like this show more. 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 12 - Honestly, the boss character isn’t really that tsundere. He’s basically a big old softy. Also baby boy very jelly. I would be too. Ex is v hot. But we keep being told things about these 2 characters but not shown said things on screen. Like the writers think they are telling one story but what we are watching is completely different. It’s... odd.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - Aw, P’Park has an emotional support uke. OMG they brought the flirty faen fatal crumb back! YES. I love him. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 4 of 10 - Good advice about secrets. It better come out and it better be a good reason... like witness protection. I am starting to get annoyed and feel manipulated the more they drag it out. But from the preview it seems like next week brings the PAIN. I have never been more ready. 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 -  Will I ever understand this show? I hate that such good acting and chemistry is squandered on such an incomprehensible script. Is the “Korean doctor thread” a set up for Lue actually being Din (dead lover) with a new face? Because I suspected that at the beginning but if that’s the big twist in this narrative it’s a super clumsy twist. I hope they don’t. I’d rather it’s that Din turned himself into Ken - creepy, but less predictable. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dating Sim (Korea Thurs Viki) eps 5-6 of 8 - Miracles of miracles: The kissing is even good in this one! Aw, baby wants to be courted. The redial phone call flirt had me flappy-handing and cackling. How are they THIS cute? It hurts my heart, two nerds in love. Also being linguistically outed at work is my new favorite trope ever. I rewatched these 2 eps an embarrassing number of times. (Warning, it looks like we got us a classic 1yr Kdrama separation coming down the line. PLEASE subvert this trope ODS. PLEASE.) 

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) eps 7-8 fin - I guess I just don’t get over-dramatic angst about silly things. The premise of this show seems to be overreaction to some stuff, under-reaction (more typical KBL) to everything else. So not allergic but an alcoholic grandma who drank herself to death? Cute confession and kiss. They are so shy and sweet with each other. For a Korean drama this had a great ending which elevated it a lot over the many other KBLs of this type (Tasty, Sweet, Ocean, etc..) 

Final thoughts: A pretty classic foodie set KBL that managed to distinguish itself from others in this category by having a particularly satisfying final episode centered around found family. Sunshine sweetie soju rep gets involved with a shy introverted chef who doesn’t drink. Has a somewhat uneven plot, but If you are looking for a restaurant BL with Korea’s signature softness, then this is a great option. FYI I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented. 8/10 

I present actual footage of P’ABL whispering in your shell-like about what you should watch next... 

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 3-4 of 10 - (here’s how I am getting it) ALL THE TROPES these 2 eps. Cohabitation! Pretty house! Flirting. Ooo evil agent ex? White towel sponge bath doesn’t get deployed by Korea very often. Other thoughts: Why does the ceramicist’s car look like a hearse? How is Gongchan SO CUTE? Boyfriends-to-be eating together is great. So many self-worth issues in this one no wonder @heretherebedork​ loves it. (This is an unexpectedly long series, too. 10 eps and each one is over 30 min. That’s crazy for a KBL = Light on Me territory.) 

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korea Tues Viki & Gaga) eps 3-4 of 7 - this sort of emotional and mental manipulation (from narrative and characters) meets bully romance isn’t my thing. (And should be left up to Japan if it must exist at all IMHO.) Ultra cringe, humiliation, and emotional torture for everyone! (What is this, fan fic?) Result: therapy is needed for everyone, including me, who continues to have trust issues with this show. 

Jack o’Frost (Japan Fri GaGa) ep 6 fin - delayed until next week 

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - adaptation of Kei Ichikawa's manga started Feb 27 on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed.

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. It seems to be a light-hearted romance with a comedic flair. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Too hard to find. 

In other news

I finished watching Why You... Y Me (hold over from last year). It’s basically Puppy Honey + a band + excessive fujoshi, so NOT my jam, but the main BL side is nicely handled love triangle, if that’s your thing. There is a tiny gem of a story (buried in amongst the rest of this nonsense) about friendship, support, love, and owning your identity. But BL is very much the secondary plot here and the main plot is AWFUL so I can’t give it more than 5/10. Still it’s all on YT if you wanna give it a try. 

I also finished The End Of The World, With You AKA Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu. (Speaking of Japan psychologically bullying us.) Conclusion? It’s not BL (no BL tropes used, a sub-genre is defined by its tropes, BL is a sub-genre of gay romance). It’s a quirky road trip found family gay drama/romance. It’s fine if you like this kinda artsy tortured character thing. I don’t. But it’s well done high heat from Japan so... 6/10 I guess?

Next Week Looks Like This:

The Eighth Sense starts weds Viki, I’m thinking this is KBL doing JBL style again, so no promises on an HEA for this one. It’s giving me. His (the series) feels. But it could be more in the Blueming vein. Remains to be seen. 

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week’s Adventure in Captions

Actually, Fuse said meeha which is usually translated as wifey (there are other slang words for bottom). Fuse is trying to establish a sexual and romantic dynamic where he plays “the male role” and he is doing this with Ana for several reasons: 1. Ana made the first move. 2 Ana is older. 

This is definitely one of those were the captions are OK but old-fashioned, it helps to know the common used terms and parlance. They are ALSO never saying boyfriend, they are always saying faen (gender neutral). 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

I really liked this phrasing (Boss & Babe). 

Double date!

The cuteness, it burns us. How is Gongchan a 2nd gen idol, nearly 30, and still the ultimate macknae? Inquiring minds would like his immortality pill, please and thank you. (Unintentional Love Story) 

Another gay cactus baby! (Why did tumblr lose its mind over this? Here’s the BL meme primer) 

I love it when a show calls out it’s own tropes. 

I also love it when a show accurately reviews itself. 

All from Our Dating Sim. 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Okay so Ireah on Peak Time did a bitty cover of Bad Love by Hynn and now I’m obsessed with it. I like her original a lot but I really want him to drop a full cover of it someday. 

[agustdblues]

GMMTV 2024 PART 2 (I heard Gmm is letting fans submit stories for adaptations now😭😭 bffr gmm and hire WRITERS)

•US: GL NATION ITS ANOTHER WIN!! EMIBONNIE !!! WITH SING. I couldn’t have asked for a better cast Usually I’m not up for the “siblings having same love interest” typa story but the shots looked so pretty plus P’Fon is doing this series so IM SEATED. They took the best trailer of the night for me !!

•Revamp (The undead story): WabiSabi probably having a bad day rn💀 GMM has two vampire projects now? hmmm which one of them will get pushed back to 2025🤔 Boun is one sexy vampire BounPrem always look good tgt. Aah sooo many familiar faces are in this, I’m looking forward to it

•Thame-Po (Heart that skips a beat): An Idol romance series! Unexpectedly I’m very sold on this EstWilliam are very handsome and something was working there. Sammy is also here🥺 Since real idols will be singing I can expect better performance too☝️

•Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Mark getting his well deserved main role. I’ve been waiting for this day!! The plot might be simple but it will be adorable. My pretty (REAL) doctor Jimmy is also in this- most likely to give me a second lead syndrome haha

•The Heart Killers: FirstKhao and JoongDunk with P’Jo. Unlike my impression of the mock, this is a ROMCOM🤡 Yeah the pilot was not clear at all FirstKhao have great chemistry but it just felt like I was seeing SandRay in another universe. On the other hand, JoongDunk have finally made it out of the universities. I heard that it’s gonna be based off The Taming of the Shrew by Shakespeare, which confuses me more. I’m quite skeptical about this

•The Ex-Morning: Who would’ve thought I’d see KristSingto in a bl in 2024😭 It’s so nice to see Singto onscreen again. The rekindling flame theme is ironically suitable for them. Apparently P’Aof is writing the original script with the Sotus director. I’m torn about this cuz I dislike krusty a lot but the nostalgia is kinda hitting me. It’s truly og revival era

•Perfect 10 Liners: Not an ensemble again🤦‍♀️ I was so confused when I saw the huge ass line of actors onstage but it seems like this will be split into 3 parts to focus on all of the cps. So basically it’s Midnight Series but only gay with Jittirain’s mediocre engineering plot💀 Even if I were to watch this it will only be for JuniorMark but no promises made cuz I can’t even bring myself to watch We Are rn

•Ossan’s Love Th: actually I was seeing EarthMix in the opposite roles but Earth being the one stuck in between is much more fresh ig. I cringed a lot while watching this. Idk Earth maybe comedy is not your forte? I won’t be sure until the actual thing will start airing but still the sirens are on🚨

•Scarlet Heart Thailand: Tu is back again in an adaptation after quite a while. They’ve put together a strong cast here but why is Gun not here!?! I’ve neither watched the series nor read the novel but I’ve heard people say it was traumatising🤡 Since it’s a historical setting, this will cost a lot in production I don’t expect this to air until the end of next year

•Leap Day: This is the best one out of the lakorns announced in part 2. Gun is always acting his ass off damn. This show will be stressful asf but the plot is pretty unique. Everyone’s reaction when Pond said Gun is playing his younger brother was so skdjjdj

•Hide & Sis: Janhae in a family murder drama niceee I got some Pretty Little Liars vibes in the start. If you’ve enjoyed PSIHY you’ll probably like this too

•The Dark Dice: Is this Jumanji and Squid Game mixed and made darker?? Prim definitely loves doing thriller shows but I beg of her to get out of that school uniform already💀 and Gemini finally got to put his hands on this genre. I’m not interested at all

•Friendshit Forever: Girl who is coming up with these show names😭 They had me believing it was a gl in the first 30 secs. Ohh Boun welcome my pretty boy. Betrayal game shows are so boring🤷‍♀️

•Break Up Service: So Midnight Motel made even more illegal? It’s funny how I can see the clear distinction in Off and Gun’s solo project styles lol

Right now I can say I’ll watch atleast 3-4 of these shows. Well many of these series won’t be airing until next year considering Part 1 list is still pending to air Overall part 2 was much MUCH better than part 1

[waywardangel-wilds]

Okay, I just made a post where I mentioned Lolita and now I can't stop thinking about this:

I am obsessed with that novel's ending! [spoilers ahead if you're thinking about reading it]

When Humbert goes to Dolores as an adult and goes into her house, despite admitting to himself that he 'might have' lied to himself about how she perceived their 'relationship,' (because remember he is writing the events of the novel after the fact so he already knows what he thinks about himself as he writes this scene), he still describes the encounter in a self-serving manner. He sees her husband, her financial struggles, her 'haggard' state, and to him it's all about how she needs him to sweep her off her feet. How he doesn't care that she's 'too old now' (an adult), he still wants her. Ugh, I adore the writing here. When she tells him about the sexual abuse from that other older man she ran away with (was he a dentist?) and how he made her 'perform' with other children and he's disgusted not because pedophilia is bad and that was a fucked up horrible crime that was done against her, but because she was touched by others???? Nobakov, amazing, good job. Sometimes the writing was so good it made me question the author's perception of the subject matter. I need to reread it, despite how hard it is to read it at all.

[koyoba]

Looking Back At 2022

At the end of the year as we move into 2023, I just wanted to reflect a bit on the past 12 months in my life, where I've been and where I'd like to go.

So, what did I do this year? What did I do this year? A lot of nothing, it feels like.

That's not true, haha, I did quite a bit, but I had a couple pretty big setbacks that really threw me off. I'd wanted to do a month by month retrospective, but frankly a lot of things were a blur, so I'll just mention the big ones.

Winter to Mid-Spring

I worked mostly! I don't know what on. It all kind of runs together after a bit. There were some light novels and some manga, more light novels. Same old, same old.

Late Spring

Oohhhh, this was a bad one. I suffered some pretty severe anxiety for a number of reasons, a handful of mild panic attacks and a lot of lost sleep. I didn't work much. Not the best of times :(

Summer

Finally things started looking up again! I had made plans to attend Anime Expo for the first time. I never had much interest in going, since we have a lot of other cons here in the DC area and LA is pretty far, but I was excited to attend for once because I was able to snag an industry badge! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to secure lodging because my plans were a bit last minute, so I ended up dropping that.

Looking at how AX ended up though... kind of glad I did not go xD

It was okay though! I still went to LA, but to visit with good friends instead. I enjoyed July 4 on the beach and got to meet some other cool folks. After that, I went to Vegas for the first time to visit with another good pal. Had some good food, slept on a very comfy couch, and got to visit Omegamart! A very solid vacation.

...Mostly.

Summer to Fall

Oh boy. Oh boy. So, when I was in NV, I started getting some strange tooth pain one morning. I figured ok, I haven't been to the dentist in 5 years, this is probably a cavity or something.

It got worse. It got way worse. Even with two root canals it kept getting worse.

I'm going to go into it later because frankly I would like to make a proper post about it, but tl;dr it turns out I have a rare nerve disorder! One which I'm currently medicated for 3x daily. It took me a long, long while to claw my way out of that hole, but at least it's a climb I've been able to make.

Late Fall to Winter

And that brings us to now! As of this writing, I've been fully pain-free for almost 2 months. I don't know that it'll stay that way forever, but I'm enjoying my time while I can. I'm back to working normally and living as best I can, and I can only hope things keep getting better.

Through the Year

I've played lots of D&D this year! 3-4 diff campaigns, I can't get enough of it. I'll have to introduce everyone to my PCs later. I've picked up a new work project with some folks I've always wanted to work with, on a pretty fun series. There's been changes in the household, and wonderful news in the family. All I can say is that I'm grateful for what I have right now.

Year to Come

Obviously, I don't know what the future holds, but I can't wait to see. I plan to keep up more of the same, and work on improving my art and other crafts. And of course I'd like to keep posting here more! Gotta have some place that isn't birdsite, right? xD

Anyway, just having a ramble here while I'm waiting for dinner. Hope all of you have a wonderful new year <3

[starryevening]

2023 resolutions & goals

lol i post these for myself so they’re easy to find and archive. took me a month to think of the big hits but here we go. 

Life & Living 

Better Manage Deadlines This is probably the biggest ongoing goal-but I want to see you improve your time management this year and generally hit more deadlines. It was really rough last year and we wanna try to improve.

Explore More You’re still struggling with social anxiety and reverting from some hermit like habits you gained over 2020. Try getting out there more, even a little.

Leave your apartment at least 4 days a week prioritize consistency even if it’s brief.

Try dedicating one day a month to go on some kind of ‘outing’ by yourself to get more comfortable with your own company (such as going to an art gallery, music show, movie etc).

Initiate Socialization More Try to be more proactive in in-person hang outs this year. Offer game nights or go out of your way to see more folks in person. Also don’t be afraid to initiate discord calls/hangouts-we did a little better last year but we can do more this year.

Add Good Habits to Your Free Time Now that you have a pretty regular schedule with work, try reintroducing things you used to love and set aside while too busy in college/post grad. Aim for at least one of the following;

Read a book on nights before work in office

Read at least 12 new books ( comic & novels )

Sing more often, even if it sounds bad

Settle into your Apartment   We’ll be moving this year to a more long term place, so take some real time to make it home as soon as you move in. Don’t wait half a year this time for the love of god-prioritize it asap. 

Health

Maintenance Medical Appointments I'm glad you’re finally set up with your new health insurance - now it’s time to actually use it. There are some regular maintenance things you haven’t done need to prioritize this year.

Go to a Dentist

Go to An Eye Doctor

Get a General Practice Doctor

Discuss Birth control, Discuss Pap Smear, Discuss Mammograms, Possibly Discuss Metal Ankle implant, Possibly that other thing.

Find a Reliable Physical Activity Post covid you've still had a lot of trouble with keeping active, especially given that you don’t live in a super walkable neighborhood. Try finding a physical activity of any kind that you can tolerate and do on a weekly basis. Some ideas are:

Walking in the park ( Photograph nature )

Yoga inside ( to podcasts etc. )

Renew YWCA and Swim again

Improve Hygiene Routines  I’d like to try to make some reasonable additions to your personal hygiene this year, you grubby backwoods creature. Some suggestions include:

Start a daily skincare routine

Wash your face daily

Look into better skin and hair care methods.

Continue Maintaining Mental Health

You’ve done a great job of managing your mental health in the past year-honestly I don’t have any improvements to suggest, just want to encourage you to keep up the pace.

Art & Profession

Create New Portfolio Work Generally an easy task, but Considering putting additional focus into some of the ideas on the below list

Create at least Three new Pieces

Experiment with color, & more dark / dramatic shading

Experiment with Mock Comic / Book Covers, Posters

Experiment with Prop or Background focused pieces

Experiment with weird comic paneling & composition

Experiment with Product Design ( Pins, Patches etc. )

Revise & Overhaul Your Portfolio This is going to be a pain in the ass but it’s long overdue. Move your site to a new host that’s less expensive and take some time to get feedback from peers to retune and refine your Portfolio site. Create a Commission Site / Carrd and Open them Again Add a small commission side-site as well and use that to set aside funds for fun events or bigger future projects. This is kind of gonna be your play money. Plan a Larger Scale Project Try planning out, in a tangible form a larger scale project. This could be a longer mini comic, creating some enamel pins or organizing a zine project. But I’d really like you to make headway on some of your many larger scale projects this year.